Two Years

I still think about her, and miss her every day.

Gonna go fishin'

Kenai River Reds

As the month of July gets closer my thoughts turn to fishing for Reds. During lunch today I was looking through photos that my co-workers had taken over the years. I found this one of Kate and I on a group Silver salmon fishing trip to Clear Creek about 4 years ago. No, that's not a Silver by her feet, it's a Chum. We were a little late that year and the creek was filled with Humpies and Chum. Kate and I limited out on Silvers in spite of spending all day catching and releasing the "lesser" salmon species.

September 16, 2009

One Year

Everyone said, "wait a year, before even thinking about the future." I guess they were right because today it's a year later I still have no goal, plan or vision for the future without Kate. Maybe sometime during the next year ...

The healing process means that after one year I think less about the weeks of bad times when she was sick and find myself thinking more about and enjoying the memories of the years of good times. Like when she and I attended Marti Gras in the cold, windy rain in Galveston, Texas. It was just one day while we were waiting to board the Carnival Cruise ship to attend Matt and Deanna's wedding. The Marti Gras parade was pretty good and people on every float threw beads at us. I gave her almost all that I caught to add to her haul. Kate was smiling and laughing like a kid collecting all her beads. When we got home she put them all in a wooden "pirate's"chest for the visiting nieces to play with.

Six Months

"Wait a year."

Tomorrow it will have been six months. Everyone told me wait at least a year before you try to make plans. They were right. At six months I have little enthusiasm for anything. I find myself unable to even figure out what to do each day, much less in the future. Everything I had planned to do involved Kate.
I survived, at least for now, the latest lay offs. This is a good thing because I couldn't afford to retire and really would have hated going and looking for a new job after 22 years at the current one. After the sigh of relief came the depression. I was pretty sure I wouldn't survive these layoffs and was already thinking about taking the summer off before I started looking for a new job. Now instead of that reality I have to, at a minimum for another four years, get up every morning and commute 50 miles to a job I have no interest in except the pay check. Of course my partner for 20 of those years was my Kate. Consequently everything and everybody reminds me of her all day long.
Maybe it'll get better in another six months.

February 28, 2009

Kate's Birthday

Kate would have been 54 today.

I still have a job. I met with my manager on Tuesday, and for now, I'm not being laid off. Obviously he couldn't make any long range promises since the economy is in the toilet and the Socialist Democrats in power seemed determined to flush it away in their rush to convert America into a Socialist Nanny State. Even if I managed to hold on to my job until my intended retirement date, the President and the Congress may have put us so far in debt that no one in the middle class for the next 3 or 4 generations will be able to afford to retire. And if you could retire, with socialized medicine you'll be too sick to enjoy it because liberal government bureaucrats without Medical Degrees will decide what treatment your Doctor can prescribe for you while you wait years for routine surgery performed by overworked and under paid government doctors. Just like the Soviet Union of yesterday and England today. The poor Canadians will no longer have the option to come to the U.S. for surgery because the waiting times and quality of care won't be any better here than they have in the Great White North today. Of course none of these changes will effect the Democrats in power. Just like the Communists in the U.S.S.R., the leaders had the best medical treatment available. There was none of that standing in line and waiting for treatment for the dictators at the top. The Liberal Democrats in Washington today are no different than the Communists in China, Hugo Chavez in Venezuela, the Castro brothers in Cuba or the Soviets of the old U.S.S.R. But this is "Change We Can Believe In!"
To paraphase a bumper sticker...
"I'll take freedom, a tax cut, smaller government, capitalism and my First and Second Amendment Rights - You keep The Change!"

Another Year

Maybe it'll get better in 2009

Kate and I always spent New Years Eve together. I don't recall that we ever went out to a party or celebration, neither of us were into loud parties or being around drunk people. That's why our social lives were family get togethers, quiet dinners for two at Evangelo's Restaurant or making dinner at home and watching movies from the couch. I spent New Years Eve alone except for a sleeping old husky next to the recliner and a frightened husky panting and pacing. Shadow is terrified of firecrackers. My neighbors loudly celebrate New Years and the 4th every year. I went to bed at 11 but at midnight was joined but a shaking 75 lb husky attempting to crawl under me in the bed. We were awake until the explosions stopped at 1 am. The -23 F temperatures must have driven them indoors early. Usually they stay up at least until 2 am frightening my dog.

Weather update: The Thermometers are still OFL and we are going to get a little wind for couple of days. Wind chill tonight of -38 F.

Cookie

I found this picture of Cookie in Kate's Myspace.

Third weekend alone.
Not getting any better.

Back at Work

Day 7 of the rest of my life.

Kate's wake-memorial went well, large turn out of friends and family.

Starting yesterday my brother is car pooling with me now and walking at lunch. It helps, gives me a little something to anticipate.

My posts may be sparse again for a while. I don't want to broadcast my feelings. I'll post if and when I have thoughts, observations and or images not related to my emptiness.

Cookie

I am still numb. Everything happened so fast that the whole thing seems unreal and dream-like, (an awful dream.) Personally, I don't know when it's going to hit me that she's really gone.
In my mind I am still composing my next conversation with her, then I realize I am not going to call her on the phone. I am not going to pick her up in the morning to go to work. We are not going to meet for lunch. When I go to her house only her sons will be there.

Her little dog, Cookie, met me at the door to her house yesterday. She rushed me barking, jumping up on me and nipping at my hands. It was far and away the most enthusiastic greeting she's ever given me. I picked her up and cuddled her for a few minutes. When I put her down she when to the other side of the room, sat down and looked at me. When I called to her she would not come.

My Kate

Katherine June Hale 2/28/1955 - 9/16/2008

My Father's Bear

I took my father's bear painting into the frame shop and had it matted and framed to match the Jon Van Zyle Iditarod print that Kate bought me. I think it turned out great.

"Now, that's a knife!"

2/8/08 - Friday evening I was using my folding Gerber hunting knife to dig dried wood putty out screw holes in my spiral staircase. Yes, it was the wrong tool for the job. Yes, I know I could slip and stab myself. Fortunately I missed the major nerves, ligaments and all but one artery in the my left little finger. The doctor at the urgent care was able to stitch it back together and stop the arterial spurting with 7 fine stitches. I'll have a scar across the fingerprint of that finger when the stiches come out on the 22nd.
The next day, while sporting a large bandage on the injured finger, I dismantled the spiral stair and built a new stair case. Pictures to come this weekend.
The weather has warmed up. It's currently at or above freezing. We had some snow and wind the last few days with more predicted for the next few days. It's a nice break from the -23 degree temps of 2 weeks ago.
Happy Valentines Day. Roses and dinner out with Kate.

Hunting Picture Time

Just because I have nothing new to add, it's back into the way back machine...

This is the largest caribou I have shot. It was Fall, 1998. Kate and I were just slowly driving, through the freezing rain, along a trail above the Susitna River about 2 miles from camp when I spotted him. He was moving through the brush less than a hundred yards away. As soon as he trotted behind a small hill I jumped off the Honda and sprinted to the top of the hill, (I could still sprint in 1998.) We had him packed up and hung in camp before breakfast.

Happy New Year

I've been on vacation since December 21st. I carefully saved just enough vacation hours to cover the work days of Christmas week and I thought for today. But a last minute count showed me 2 hours short. I was going to drop by this afternoon for 2 hours but it turns out my girlfriend Kate was short a whole day. So we are working today and then back to holiday and vacation until January 7, 2008. There is only 1 other person at work today on my floor. He's probably being as productive as I am. Tonight we'll probably celebrate New Years by making a nice dinner and watching a DVD. I try to stay off the roads on what are traditionally, Drinking Holidays.

Ravens

On our daily lunchtime walk, Kate and I walk down an alley between parking lots in downtown Anchorage. Today as we approached the parking lot at the Architecture firm where my former daughter-in-law used to work, (whew,) we saw a silver pickup filled with ravens. Ok, there were 8 ravens on the roof and in the bed of the pickup. I said, "I'm betting on dogfood." Sure enough when I walked up to the truck the ravens, complaining loudly, decamped to the edge of the nearest roof. When I looked into the back of the truck I saw a previously unopened 40 pound bag of Pedigree dogfood. Unopened until the ravens spotted it. They had pecked open a large hole and were happily gorging themselves until we interrrupted. As soon as we walked away they swooped back down to lunch. On the walk back to the office 4 or 5 more ravens passed overhead flying down the alley to the gathering. I know the owner of the dogfood won't be happy but I've always liked the smart feathered thieves.